“On the outside I was a confident person with everything going for me, but I was a nervous wreck who just wanted to get away from it all. ”
I have lived all my life waiting for the game to be over. Feeling anxious and sick to my stomach before high school games, I’d say to myself, “I just can’t wait until the game is over so I don’t have to feel this way.” I was so fearful that I’d make a mistake, disappoint my coaches and family, and let my teammates down. This feeling has stayed with me ever since. Rather than be honest with myself and others, I pretended everything was okay, but inside I was dying.
On the outside I was a confident person with everything going for me, but I was a nervous wreck who just wanted to get away from it all. Well, it eventually caught up with me. The more responsibilities placed on me, the worse my anxiety became, which eventually led to full-blown panic attacks. I bottomed out in March 2010 and took a medical leave from work. I just couldn’t function anymore. I tried medications, but they didn’t solve the problem. My marriage was on shaky ground, and I was an absent father to four children. I realized I needed to make a lifestyle change.
No longer could my life be a checklist of things to accomplis