How Would I Get to a Support Group?
Hello, how is everyone doing tonight? I'm brand new here :)
I have had panic attacks throughout my life, mostly as a child; I was afraid of hallways and airports, large, open spaces, since I was about 7 years old. My father had taken me to a psychotherapist, briefly, though; I was not allowed to continue my treatment with him, because my dad said he didn't like that the doctor was 'playing games' with me; he'd thought that board games and family games were a waste of his hard-earned money. So I was taken out of therapy, then,
to be made to walk down the hall of my elementary school, the entire summer of 5th, going into 6th, grade. My knees were like jelly, my hands sweat profusely, and I would squeeze my father's hand as if it were going to fall off, because I was so scared :( My dad was not a professional, he did not know what he was doing, he just didn't like the doctor 'playing games' with me, not at ALL understanding of how the therapy process works.
As a result, when I was 24 years old (I'm 40, now) I had been undergoing a significant amount of stress; my mother was dying from cancer, my dad and the rest of the family were always on edge, and I was working for my father. I had developed irritable bowel syndrome at around that time, I was increasingly anxious around the family, and because of very limited financial resources, (which is STILL a problem, very unfortunately) I was not able to find adequate help in overcoming the panic.
I got married, thinking that would solve the problem, only, of course, it did not. I married a man with MANY mental problems, (he was bipolar, and not on any meds for it) and I became 'split,' personality-wise, or, at least had shown some pretty strong symptoms of it..I was never 'truly' split, to where I lost hours or days at a time, but I did have 'ways' of coping with the situation at hand.
I wound up leaving the man after only 4 months, but, again, that ugly, debilitating panic came roaring back in, like a lion, devouring me terribly. I could not leave the state (I eloped to get married) and my father had to come pick me up. I was washed out and had nowhere else to turn, so the problem remained, even though I had left a very bad situation.
All of this to say, 10+ years later, I STILL find myself with these debilitating panic attacks, while driving my car on the freeway, so I avoid all freeways, have no job, no education, most probably because of it, and so...
How could I possibly be a part of an IRL support group, if I can't get on a freeway to drive there? Because even on some secondary roads (not all, but some, I've been beginning to notice) I have had problems. I really hope and pray the person I will contact to be a part of his group, then, would not mind coming to get me, for it, or some other kind soul could. I REALLY am desperate; I have no family support (never really have, my entire life) emotionally or otherwise, the only place I could go for medication and therapy is, you guessed it, way down in the city, and I'm nowhere near there..AND my car is older, as well, which doesn't exactly help the panic situation, at times-and friends? The only real 'friend' I have, that I talk to, on a regular basis, is very immature and just not too very helpful on my healing journey, at all.
I need help....!!!