Spotlight
Coping With Holiday Anxiety

The holiday season is a busy time of year for those who have committed to family dinners, office parties, gift exchanges, and cross-country travel. Busy schedules often leave little time for relaxation, and it’s not uncommon for adults and children to feel anxious.

For the 40 million U.S. adults with an anxiety disorder, this may be a particularly stressful time and may even prevent them from taking part in what should be joyful Chanukah, Christmas, and Kwanzaa celebrations. Read on to learn how to manage holiday anxiety.

Anxious Children
“Anxious children tend to be hyperaware of their surroundings and are always on the lookout for possible threats or risks” like new situations such as holiday parties or meeting new people, says Elisa Nebolsine, LCSW, a Virginia therapist who specializes in anxiety disorders and depression in children. Children can also pick up on the stress levels of their parents. Nebolsine recommends these ideas for reducing children’s holiday anxiety:

• Plan ahead. Anticipate potentially stressful situations by talking to your child about what made her anxious during this time last year, and create techniques to minimize that anxiety. “For a child who is uncomfortable being hugged by relatives,” Nebolsine says, “practice putting their hand out quickly when seeing a person or initiating a less overwhelming type of hug.” Other examples include practicing positive reactions to unwanted gifts or deep breathing techniques for when you child feels overwhelmed.
• Set a schedule and display it where the entire family can see it. Include details like who else will be in attendance and whether travel will be involved. This should help eliminate the anxiety that can surround unexpected events. You may also want to schedule family time at home and pick a relaxing activity to do together, such as playing a board game, watching a favorite holiday video, or making cookies.
• Create a secret signal between you and your child. He can use the signal to discreetly let you know he needs help without alerting others in the room.
• Take care of yourself. Your son or daughter is able to pick up on your stress level, so make sure the entire family eats balanced meals, drinks enough water, exercises, and keeps stressful holiday shopping to a minimum.

Social Events
The thought of making small talk with co-workers or attending a large family dinner can be terrifying for people with anxiety disorders, particularly social anxiety disorder, also known as social phobia. But avoiding these gatherings will not solve their fear — it will only perpetuate it. Follow these tips:

• Take the pressure off yourself. “Don’t be a perfectionist. If you set high expectations for yourself and for others, you increase the chances of being let down,” says Jonathan Abramowitz, PhD, ABPP, of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. “Anticipate that some things won’t go exactly as planned — and that’s OK.”
• Remember that most people aren’t paying as much attention to you as you fear they are. In fact, most other people are actually wondering what you are thinking of them, so try complimenting them. “Making other people feel good during the holidays will make you feel good and reduce stress,” Dr. Abramowitz says.
• Don’t look for relief in alcohol or drugs. Although it can be tempting to “take the edge off” in holiday situations, alcohol and drugs can make anxiety worse and may trigger panic attacks in people who are prone to them.
• Do smile, make eye contact, and ask questions at holiday gatherings. Most people like to talk about themselves and their interests. Ask what their holiday plans are, what their kids are up to, or what book is on their nightstand. Avoid topics like religion or politics that can be stressful or make people argumentative, Dr. Abramowitz advises.
• Realize you can choose to say no. Don’t over-schedule yourself. Participate in the activities you want, but don’t feel obligated to accept every invitation. You may want to eliminate traditions that cause more stress than joy.

Missing Family
Being separated from family and friends can be particularly difficult during the holidays, especially for those who have just lost a family member or whose spouse or parent is serving overseas. Some advice to get through this difficult time:

• Keep family traditions, but be flexible. It’s OK to celebrate without the missing relative, and continuing family traditions can create a sense of normalcy. But it’s also OK to acknowledge how much the spouse, grandfather, or sister is missed. You may want to propose adding a tradition, where each family member shares a favorite memory of the relative, or where your children create a video message to send to the deployed relative via e-mail.
• Avoid isolation. If you don’t have extended family close by to help you through a lonely holiday season, reach out to friends in the area or other families in a similar situation. Host a potluck dinner or a $10 gift swap. Or volunteer at a local hospital, soup kitchen, nursing home, or animal shelter
• Talk to someone. Let others know you’re feeling lonely or sad, and tell them what might help you feel better. You may also consider talking to a professional, who can help you sort out your emotions. Find a therapist in your area or, if you’re a veteran or relative of a veteran, contact the nonprofit Give an Hour for free mental health services.

Travel Plans
People with panic disorder or agoraphobia may find overcrowded airports and train stations overwhelming. Those with travel-related phobias who must use mass transit may anticipate their trip with dread, and those with generalized anxiety disorder may find a host of new things to worry about while traveling, further interfering with their daily lives. “Instead of looking at travel with dread, look at it as a chance to practice facing your fear,” says Jerilyn Ross, MA, LICSW, president and CEO of the Anxiety Disorders Association of America. Ross’s suggestions:

• Plan and confirm all details. To decrease your stress level, try to book flights that leave early in the day, when airports tend to be less crowded. Always confirm flight, hotel, and car rental reservations to decrease anxiety about an impending trip. Allow yourself ample time to pack so you can organize your belongings and bring everything you need, including IDs needed for security checkpoints and any necessary medications.
• Think ahead. Make a list of activities you will engage in while traveling and prepare yourself for potential anxiety-inducing situations by practicing stress-reducing techniques such as slow, deep breathing, meditation, and progressive muscle relaxation.
• Put anxiety-reducing techniques to work. If you have a fear of flying, tell the gate agent or flight attendant when you check in and board. Ask if you can meet the pilot and co-pilot. Ask them a personal question such as “Do you have a family?” Seeing for yourself that the people flying the plane are “real people” can be comforting. If you are claustrophobic, you may want to request an aisle seat so you can get up and move around if you feel the need.

Resources
Surviving the Holiday Season When a Loved One is Away – iParenting from DisneyFamily.com
Home for the Holidays: Tips for overcoming holiday anxiety and stress – WebMD
Counseling Can Help in Coping with Holiday Anxiety – El Paso Times

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