More Than Nerves:
Anxiety in the Real World
By Rob Fischer, PhD
During the summer
before my senior year in college, my mother died of lung cancer at the age
of 57. A rather private person, I dealt with this loss as I had most of
my problems throughout adolescence: I repressed my grief and kept moving.
I avoided talking about my mother's death and I continued my college work
and social schedule as if nothing had happened. Some six months later, my
repressed feelings showed physical manifestation. I developed ulcer-like symptoms
that defied the abilities of professionals at campus student health to treat
effectively. In addition to this "stomach pain," I developed a fear
of being in group settings, particularly dining out. I came to fear the debacle
of being nauseated in public and having to leave in a panic.
The more I tried
to force myself to stay, the greater the anxiety level and the perceived pain
became. Frequently, I delayed eating until I could be in a safe environment.
The result over time was a substantial weight loss, at one point taking me
to a waifish 155 pounds on my 6'2" frame.
After seeking additional professional
help, first from a physician and then a clinical psychologist, I was diagnosed
with panic disorder with agoraphobia. This confirmed
for me that my phobia was real and that I was not alone in the symptoms I
experienced.
With the ebb and flow
of time, I had recurring bouts with my problem. I found it the most ironic
of disorders - here I was, someone who had enjoyed groups and events, with
a promising career involving frequent interpersonal interaction ahead of me,
hamstrung with a phobia that caused me to detest groups, particularly functions
involving a meal. I tried to deal with the situation proactively through talk
therapy and some prescribed medication and, at times, out of frustration,
through self-medication using alcohol.
Now, more than 10 years
later, there are but a few lasting remnants of my earlier phobia and anxiety.
I still prefer to avoid crowded situations, though nothing like the aversion
I previously experienced. I feel a small twinge of anxiety in restaurants
as well as airport terminals and malls. I now recognize my symptoms earlier,
before an episode occurs, and can take action to lessen the feelings of anxiety.
Much like a cancer
patient in remission, I am forever watching for any signs of reemergence of
the disease, especially around times of significant change, loss, or stress.
I never claim to have beaten the anxiety disorder; rather, I seek to manage
it through behavioral and cognitive strategies that work for me.
If you have experienced
any of the symptoms I have described, I encourage you to openly talk about
your feelings with those close to you and seek professional help immediately.
If you worry, as I did, that medication could lead to a long-term dependence
on a chemical solution to your disorder, this concern should not keep you
from talking to your physician or counselor. Medication, if effective, can
provide an anxiety-free window of opportunity in which you can work to address
the issues underlying your disorder.
If you know someone who experiences an
anxiety disorder, I ask that you learn about the disease and provide support
to this person, always in the most uncritical manner possible. Be aware that
the disease rarely takes a linear path; it is likely that successes in certain
situations will be followed by difficulties in others. Learn, along with your
loved ones, to take a long view of the road to recovery and avoid unreasonable
expectations for a quick cure. Anxiety disorders are manageable for the vast
majority of those who suffer from them, but professional care and personal
strategies are both imperatives for success.
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