hi ADAA-

my name is steph, i am 25, and i have GAD and panic disorder. I was diagnosed 5 years ago, and spent a year on Effexor XR, with the whole list of side effects. through some awesome stressors, i lost my insurance that year, and had to go off meds. Since then, i have not been able to afford insurance on my own, so i have to settle for medicating with homeopathic remedies (valerian root, st. john's wort, kava). Unfortunately, they do not work very well.

i am hoping to find some support concerning holding a job with GAD and panic disorder. I have a lot of shame and guilt about my diagnoses (my parents did not take it well, and think i should be better by now), but work hard to get through it. i ive with my boyfriend who is working on becoming a psychologist, so he helps out when he can, but i know i scare him sometimes. my circular thinking gets really fast, i start to hyperventilate, and then i become mean or a bit destructive. it always ends in a crying jag.

at home, i can handle it. i know the progression, and sometimes i can stop it before it takes over. but i can't at work. and once it starts and i can't stop it, i have to leave.
some mornings i'm so worried about having a breakdown or attack, that i just call in sick, then spend the entire day in an attack because i feel so guilty about not being able to control this part of me.

i lost my last job because i missed so many days for anxiety and panic, that they would not let me return without medical proof and a disability form. but without insurance, i could not get the form filled out, so they forced my resignation.
i've been job hunting for the last month and a half, in constant fear that i'm not going to be able to keep a job once i get it.

if anyone has any advice or encouragement, i could really use it. thank you.