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Tips to Help You Enjoy the Season

It's the holiday season, and once again Juan is coming up with excuses to avoid going to the office party. It's not that he doesn't enjoy the holidays or want to celebrate. It's just that the thought of being at the party fills him with dread. What if I say the wrong thing? What if I don't know what to say?

Juan has Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD), a disorder that affects more than 5 million people. SAD, also known as social phobia, can leave individuals like Juan with such trepidation of social situations that many will go to great lengths to avoid these seasonal gatherings.

"Some may choose to altogether avoid the situations, others may use alcohol to help them cope, and yet others may just grin and bear it," said Denise A. Chavira, Ph.D., research scientist and clinical psychologist at the University of California, San Diego. "Certainly, the feeling of being so uncomfortable interacting with others during a somewhat social season can contribute to feelings of disappointment, low self-esteem and sadness."

The holiday season can also be difficult on a child with SAD. They may be dreading the holiday play or family gathering and may feel overwhelmed, especially around unfamiliar family members or friends.

"The holiday season can be a challenging time for both parents and children, as parent want their kids to interact and have fun and sometimes they may not understand why their child becomes quiet, upset, nervous, or tries to avoid the situation," said Chavira.

The Reporter asked Jonathan Abramowitz, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist and Director of the OCD/Anxiety Disorders Program at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota, for advice on how you can lower anxiety during the holidays. Here are his "dos and don'ts" for dealing with those holiday jitters.

DON'Ts:

DON'T avoid social gatherings. This will only perpetuate the problem.

DON'T use alcohol or drugs to "take the edge off." This won't work in the long run.

DON'T accept your social avoidance as part of your personality. Social isolation is a dangerous risk factor for developing other health problems and disorders, such as depression.

DO ask yourself if these things are as likely to happen as you think, or if they are as terrible as you think they are.

DO take the pressure off yourself! Everyone makes mistakes from time to time in social situations. Luckily, other people tend to give us the benefit of the doubt, too.

DO remember that most people aren't paying as much attention to you as you fear they are, and they are probably not judging you as harshly as you may think. In fact, most other people are focused on themselves-they are actually wondering what YOU are thinking of THEM!

DO consider seeking professional help with an experienced doctor or therapist to learn and practice how not to be fearful of social situations.

To help your socially anxious child, Chavira suggests parents talk with their child about the people they will be meeting and about their interests so the child will have something to talk about. Parents can also help facilitate conversations between their child and others. For younger children, parents may want to consider having a few games the children can play, such as board games, that don't require the child to verbally interact with others too much.

"It would be best if the child was somewhat familiar with that game, or even better, if they're really familiar with it," she said. "The stress of trying something new may send a socially anxious child to the sidelines."

Want to learn more about conquering social anxiety? Read Triumph Over Shyness, by Murray B. Stein, M.D. and John R. Walker, Ph.D. This book and other titles are available through the ADAA Online Bookstore.