How to Handle the Holidays

The holidays are a time for warm family traditions, hot chocolate, and relaxing around the fireplace with friends. But for some, holiday activities can trigger stress like finding the perfect gift in a crowded mall or traveling across the country to visit family. For the 40 million U.S. adults with an anxiety disorder, this may be a particularly stressful time and may even prevent them from taking part in what should be joyful Chanukah, Christmas, and Kwanzaa celebrations.

What can trigger holiday anxiety, and what can I do to relieve it?

Holiday parties are a common stressor. The thought of making small talk with co-workers or attending a large family dinner can be terrifying for people with anxiety disorders, particularly social anxiety disorder (SAD), also known as social phobia. But avoiding these gatherings will not solve their fear — it will only perpetuate it. Follow these tips before refusing a holiday party invitation this year:

• Identify what you are specifically concerned about. Are you afraid you will say the wrong thing? Embarrass yourself? Ask yourself what if any of these things happen: Will you lose your job, your family, your friends? Tell yourself, “So what!” The worst that will happen is that you will feel uncomfortable, or maybe very uncomfortable.
• Take the pressure off yourself. “Don’t be a perfectionist. If you set high expectations for yourself and for others, you increase the chances of being let down,” says Jonathan Abramowitz, PhD, ABPP, of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. “Anticipate that some things won’t go exactly as planned — and that’s OK.”
• Remember that most people aren’t paying as much attention to you as you fear they are. In fact, most other people are actually wondering what you are thinking of them, so try complimenting them. “Making other people feel good during the holidays will make you feel good and reduce stress,” Dr. Abramowitz says.
• Don’t look for relief in alcohol or drugs. Although it can be tempting to “take the edge off” in holiday situations, alcohol and drugs can make anxiety worse and may trigger panic attacks in people who are prone to them.
• Do smile, make eye contact, and ask questions at holiday gatherings. Most people like to talk about themselves and their interests. Ask what their holiday plans are, what their kids are up to, or what book is on their nightstand. Avoid topics like religion or politics that can be stressful or make people argumentative, Dr. Abramowitz advises.

How can I ease my fears about traveling?

Traveling over the holidays can also trigger anxiety. Individuals with panic disorder or agoraphobia may find overcrowded airports and train stations overwhelming. People with travel-related phobias who must use mass transit may anticipate their trip with dread, and those with generalized anxiety disorder may find a host of new things to worry about while traveling, further interfering with their daily lives. Again, avoidance will not help someone overcome an anxiety problem, and it may even stir up other undesirable feelings or consequences, such as being the only family member absent from Christmas dinner. “Instead of looking at travel with dread, look at it as a chance to practice facing your fear,” says Jerilyn Ross, MA, LICSW, president and CEO of the Anxiety Disorders Association of America. Ross’s suggestions:

• Plan and confirm all details: To decrease your stress level, try to book flights that leave early in the day, when airports tend to be less crowded. Always confirm flight, hotel, and car rental reservations to decrease anxiety about an impending trip. Allow yourself ample time to pack so you can organize your belongings and bring everything you need, including IDs needed for security checkpoints and any necessary medications.
• Think ahead: Make a list of activities you will engage in while traveling and prepare yourself for potential anxiety-inducing situations by practicing stress-reducing techniques such as slow, deep breathing, meditation, and progressive muscle relaxation.
• Put anxiety-reducing techniques to work: If you have a fear of flying, tell the gate agent or flight attendant when you check in and board. Ask if you can meet the pilot and co-pilot. Ask them a personal question such as “Do you have a family?” Seeing for yourself that the people flying the plane are “real people” can be comforting. If you are claustrophobic, you may want to request an aisle seat so you can get up and move around if you feel the need.

What other stress-management tips I can use during the holiday season?

Try the following tips now or at any time during the year:

• Take extra time to rest and relax. Make an effort to slow down. Reflect on accomplishments and challenges you overcame during the past year.
• Realize you can choose to say no. Don’t over-schedule yourself. Participate in the activities you want, but don’t feel obligated to accept every invitation. You may want to eliminate traditions that cause more stress than joy.
• Stay physically healthy. Regular exercise, adequate sleep, and a balanced diet can make a difference in maintaining and improving mental health.
• Form a solid support network. Whether it’s family, friends, trusted co-workers, or an online support group, having people you can contact when you’re feeling frazzled or down can be a big help.
• Ask for help. It’s OK to ask your brother to bring the cake or your daughter to help wrap gifts. And if your anxiety is excessive, persistent, and interferes with your everyday life, you may want to contact a family physician, psychologist, or other health care professional for help. Read more about anxiety disorders, or find a therapist near you.

Resources

Counseling Can Help in Coping with Holiday Anxiety

How to Cope with Holiday Party Anxiety

Conquering Holiday Anxiety