My Silent Child

By Sharon L. Longo, Selective Mutism Group Childhood Anxiety Network

I have a five-year old boy, my third child, and he has a cherub's face with a hint of mischief in his beautiful green eyes. He can dance around to silly music and entertain us with his antics. He has no problem telling his brother to leave him alone while he is playing. He has no qualms about teasing his sister while she does her homework. The only difference between Brian and most other children his age is that while he is at school, he is mute. He will not raise his hand to answer a question or to ask to use the bathroom. When the children count off in gym class, Brian holds up his fingers, leaving a momentary sound lapse until the child after him calls out the next number. Brian is not mentally handicapped or autistic. He is not deaf or speech impaired. Brian suffers from selective mutism, a debilitating childhood anxiety disorder whereby a child who has the capacity to speak and understand the spoken word in the comfort of his home is unable to speak in select social settings like school or church.

These children usually speak to their parents and immediate family members, although they may not speak to relatives outside of the home such as a grandparent or an aunt. My sister has never once heard him speak directly to her. She has to "catch" him talking to his brother or sister.

While Brian was in preschool, we assumed he had extreme shyness, as that was what everyone, including our pediatrician said, "He's just shy; he'll outgrow it." How many other parents of selectively mute children have heard this same thing?
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On the kindergarten visitation day, when Brian's teacher came over and greeted him, he froze in his tracks and couldn't even make eye contact with her. She asked him if he could find his cubby with his name on it, and since he could read his own name, I thought he'd just reach out and point to it, but he stood like a statue and couldn't move. So we visited the class without Brian saying a word, and I silently hoped that Brian's reaction was no indication of how the year would progress.

On Open House night, my husband and I visited the classroom with excitement, wanting to see Brian's work, what we found only saddened us. On several posters there were shapes and colors, and below these the children's names were listed with an example of something they had named with this shape or color. Next to Brian's name was a blank space. This wasn't because Brian didn't know his shapes or colors. He could rattle these off when he was two and a half! But Brian couldn't tell his teacher! The final blow came when we saw the children's pictures pasted on little cut-out apples which hung on apple trees to denote which was their favorite kind of apple. Our little "apple" was lying on the "ground." We found out later on that this was because he couldn't tell the teacher what apple he liked and he didn't even taste the apples! I wanted to cry! We headed home, wondering how we could try to make things better for our son.
The next month, Brian's teacher scheduled what is called a PAC meeting (Pupil Assistance Committee). This is a meeting between the teacher, the principal, school nurse, guidance counselor, speech/language teacher, reading recovery teacher, and one or two other teachers, all of whom meet and discuss any problem that a teacher is having with a student. My husband and I were invited to attend. We were not sure what to expect. I guess I wasn't prepared for the understanding and concern on the part of the teachers, principal and guidance counselor. The school nurse asked, "Have you ever heard about Selective Mutism?" We hadn't, and so she gave a brief explanation
along with some information on the subject. As we read through the papers on the way home, we realized that this silence that Brian was living with might actually be something that had a name!

I began to do some research and called our pediatrician to recommend a child psychologist. We realized this was going to be a long haul, so we decided to look on the Internet for more information on the topic of SM. I came across one website called the Selective Mutism Group-Childhood Anxiety Network and started to navigate the site. It is the largest, most comprehensive organization in the world dedicated to Selective Mutism and related childhood anxiety disorders. It is amazing how many people are seeking out information about this topic because it is very often misdiagnosed. Children have been incorrectly labeled as autistic, mentally handicapped and defiant when in reality they are suffering from a severe social phobia that causes them to be withdrawn and silent. I am now the Public Relations/Freelance Journalist for the site and hope to reach as many people about this topic as possible.

Every day I find out something new about Selective Mutism, either from a parent writing into the website for advice about a child or from an adult who has overcome the disorder but still has the "scars" from its lasting effects. Every day I hope that what I learn will lead us a step closer to hearing our son speak outside of the safety of his home.

We did have a wonderful breakthrough just the other day when I took him to the doctor for an ear infection. Instead of Brian clinging to me in the examining room, Brian sat up on the table while I sat on a chair. When the doctor came in, Brian didn't smile, but he made eye contact. When the doctor asked, "Is this the ear that hurts Brian?" he nodded. He even opened his mouth nice and wide so the doctor could look down his throat. He didn't say "Aah," like most children would, but I'm willing to be happy with the baby steps he's taking.

Any form of eye contact that Brian makes, any smile he gives, any sound that comes from his throat outside of our home is a step closer to our goal. I long for the day when Brian will only be silent in a place like the library or a movie theatre, and when he will let the rest of the world see the bright and happy personality that he reserves only for us. Then maybe one day he'll share his story with others and help someone else's silent child.

Visit www.selectivemutism.org for more information about the Selective Mutism Group - Childhood Anxiety Network.

Facts About Selective Mutism
• Selective Mutism is a childhood anxiety disorder.
• The defining characteristic of Selective Mutism is the child's inability to speak in most social settings.
• The average age of diagnosis is 4-8 years old, but these children probably exhibited "extreme shyness" at a much earlier age.
• These children can be extremely talkative, boisterous and social while at home, or in a place where they feel comfortable.
• When in a social situation the child will often stand motionless and expressionless, turn his/her head, chew or twirl hair, avoid eye contact or withdraw into a corner.
• Children suffering from Selective Mutism will often display additional signs of severe anxiety: separation anxiety, frequent tantrums and crying, moodiness, inflexibility, sleep problems and extreme shyness.
• For Selective Mutism to be diagnosed the behavior must persist for at least one month.
• Selective Mutism does not occur with developmental disorders, autism, or schizophrenia.